Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Date Alert: Scrutinizing Arab Men

Dating Arab men -- how do you know one when you see one? 

Some Arab men can be hard to read especially if you are an "outsider" and I am not an expert on this stuff but if you want to know the real-world truth about them, here's a summary of Kabobfest's complete guide to the different types of Arab men outside the Arab world:

1.  Mr. Gold Chain George is most likely to be Mr. Macho on steroids; hairy as hell and sweet as Georgia tea. He does not know what he really wants in a woman and thus he will never be at peace with himself or whoever he date. Trademark phrase: begins every sentence with "My cousin…". Dream job: To buy another gas station.

2.  Mr. Broblem Hassan is a nice guy but cannot speak English well enough, and your parents will definitely not help themselves but poke fun of how he pronounces words. He will marry you in a heartbeat — especially if you are blonde. Trademark phrase: begins every sentence with "Back home…". Dream job: Engineer.

3.  Mr. Ali The Activist Dynamo is a kinder spirit, nice and a good-hearted unless you disagree with him. He knows too many people including girls, so it’s hard to keep up with the female encounters he had. He acts as if he is the spokesperson of more than a billion people who would really resent his ideas and the way he parties.

4.  Mr. Wael The Saint comes from a good family where his siblings adore him; he is a believer and never miss church on Sunday or mosque on Friday. He will probably meet his wife at church or the local mosque function. Career of choice either accounting or engineering, both are solid careers in terms of a stable income.

5.  Mr. Detroit Sam: Man Of Steel aka the Wallah Bro is a first generation Arab American who dates a lot of girls equally and simultaneously. Trademark phrases (in ebonics): "Don’t cheat me, bro." Dream job: NFL Wide Receiver.

6.  Mr. Tony The Doc's community loves him, especially at fundraisers and weddings. He is probably passed his 30s and balding when he is ready to get married. Tony will end up with a not beautiful, a not cute, but rather “hot” wife who secretly hates him but can’t afford to say it because he makes good money, has a good lifestyle, nice car and wonderful summer home. Trademark phrase: "I’m a doctor." Dream job: Their’s.

7.  Mr. Saleh the Gulf Pride is the most fun guy, care free, unlimited money supply and always up for a good times. Everyone thinks he’s gay and in denial. He will take you out to the finest restaurants, and pay generously but he will never marry you. Trademark phrase: "izzzz on me." Dream job: Gulf Prince (already has it).

8.  Mr. Mazin, Smokey the Palestinian will seduce you with his dramatic stories and the tough times he had to live with back in the old country or whatever refugee camp he came from. He would not deny your existence but he would not marry your white ass either unless he really really needs the papers, which he usually does. Trademark phrase: "the Zionist entity." Dream job: George Habash.

9.  Mr. Flamboyant Mustafa is one good looking Arab kid who grew up in a house with plenty of females and no brothers. He does not like to help other guys get in with his girlfriends, but he would help his girlfriends get in with other guys. Trademark phrase: "Do you have this shirt in extra small?". Dream job: Male Model.

10. Mr. Unibrow Rami  is Darwin’s best friend, living proof that men descend from hairy apes. He thinks his looks are fine, and his brow is hot. Trademark phrase: "look into my eyes". Dream job: Terrorist #6 in Hollywood movie.

11. Mr. Self Hating Arab is definitely a big d*ck. He hates Arabs but love himself. Women may be allured by his willingness to bend on every issue, but he’s a constant opportunist looking for the next big payoff. Trademark phrase, "I’m an Arab, not one of those Ay-rabs.." Dream job: Fox News Analyst.

12. Mr. God Damn America Kid is a FOB or an American-born Arab who seems like one. He is mad as hell and spares no chance in dumping on the U.S of A for the destruction of the Arab nation and would not trade his life in America with anything of value he owns, but purchased a powerful American engine car, which he drives to school listening to AC/DC and sipping on a large latte while talking on his blackberry to tell his mom how he is doing well. Trademark phrase: "America is bullshit my friend". Dream job: Arab League Ambassador.

13. Mr. Broke-Ass Arab does not have a job, other than watching Aljazeera all day. He’s so broke, his family from back home sends him money. If your life goal is to avoid paying taxes, this guy is a keeper. Trademark phrase: "You interested in any DVDs, I got the latest movie." Dream job: Convenience  Store Owner.

14. Mr. Amir, the Secret Arab Queer is not necessary good looking, but sure is well dressed. And his mom considers him her best friend - he was her lab rat when it came to makeup as a young boy. He dates women though but they’re just a charade. Amir is the guy you want at your dance parties, his moves puts Beyonc√© to shame but makes for a creepy hookah companion. Trademark phrase: "Haifa is such a sharmouta." Dream job: Personal Trainer for the Stars.
Please read the original article here.